I don't know if you are familiar with Vancouver's Hastings Street. Both the pictures above are pictures of Hastings Street. Travelling along this path, you cross Main St into East Hastings, the down and out section, a place you might not want to walk on foot. It's not particularly attractive or safe. It is the place that we tend to avoid, unpleasant and depressed. Further along, it becomes a metropolis, full of light and life. It's hustle-bustle city life. This section looks good, but certainly has it's secrets as well. It strikes me that we, as streets are made up of many varied 'blocks', all of them contributing to the whole. What is my East Hastings? Where are my down and out places? My mile-high scrapers reaching for the sky? What appears good and isn't? What appears downtrodden, but actually gives me what I need: challenge, motivation for growth? How do I redeem what's lost and celebrate what's alive and growing? How do I live a life of compassion, knowing that each 'street' I meet has it's story? Hmmm. Building have 'stories'. But that's for another post.
I am a waffler, waffle being defined as a 'failure to make up one's mind.' Sigh. On the one hand, I'm rather a definitive person. But on the other hand, I can be convinced of a totally alternative perspective. I received an email from Simon Fraser University stating that I am on the wait list for entry to their Masters of Educational Practice Program. The good news is that it's not an outright rejection. (Then this would be a different post:)) So, I am on 'pause'. Living in the unknown is especially waffly. I talk a good game of 'live in the moment' and take risks, but actually, I admit I like to 'know' certain things are 'for sure'. Though I might desire to go down the road less travelled, when I consider the narrowness of the road, it's steepness, brambles, lack of direction and fierce creatures, the friendly path i know seems the more attractive option. So, I wait. This is annoying because I like to take charge, am impatient and just want to know what's happening with my life! But, on the upside, this time gives me time to think about my life priorities going into September. What REALLY matters to me? Does a Masters program fit into this if the opportunity presents itself? What are my motivations for applying? A wise person once told me that 'we should think for ourselves, but not by ourselves." I have the opportunity during the summer to reflect, to ponder, to ask, to inquire, community and on my own. Time to get honest with myself. Time for another pro and cons list. I read the quote to the left and my being resounded with 'YES'! I have experienced both minds, one opened by wonder and one closed be belief. The closed mind is guarded, protective, scared. It is exclusionary, creating lines which dictate 'in' and 'out'. I try to remain aware of those 'closed by belief' moments or mindsets and force them open by sheer recognition, awareness and determination. Sometimes, a closed mindset can feel very safe, folded in by boundaries and like-minded people. But, it'a jail of a sort. The closed-ness keeps the bogey man out, but also keeps us in. The mind opened to wonder is free, open, alive and true. It allows for differences, for an as yet not determined future of surprise, mystery, potential pain and pleasure. It takes courage to choose openness, to stand embracing and encouraging wonder. At this moment, I wonder how we embody openness ourselves as teachers and how we create spaces wherein children feel free and encouraged to be wonderers. Let's open doors. Imagine what might happen if we knock, pummel, force, ram wide any closed doors and roll out the red carpet for wonder to roll into our classrooms in full force come this September?
As we look closely and honestly at ourselves, we squiggle and squirm under our own microscopic gaze. It can be uncomfortable to recognize our humanity, our limits and our inconsistencies. But it is in this journey, that we recognize the human condition, one that is torn and fractured, yet wondrous and life-affirming. It is in this journey that we discover our connectedness and interdependence with each 'other' we meet. I am committed to crossing the abyss that separates, both within myself and with my neighbour. Let us recognize that we are all 'under construction' each time we meet and interact. There is a primary teacher's gym game, where students are either 'builders' or 'destroyers'. The builders build towers out of foam blocks and the destroyers knock them down. After 5 minutes, the whistle is blown and everyone checks to see if any foam structures are still standing. Then, the students switch sides. The teacher told me that everyone always wants to be a destroyer, because it's easier. Makes one think, doesn't it? I know of times when I've been a destroyer, but also times when I've been a builder. The results of building are much more rewarding and soul-satifying. Though I've been sorely tempted at times to kick that sand castle down as I strolled the beach.......
Don't you just love Facebook? Everyone is so happy and their lives are so wonderful. They are going for coffee now. Here is a picture of me and my very, very, very happy 4 friends in a very spontaneous and genuine picture. They all love me all the time. HA! Someone wise said,"Don't compare other's highlight reel with your 'behind the scenes'." Because we have a unique look at our 'behind the scenes', we are privy to ALL of our humanness and sometimes it just isn't pretty. I can be petty, bitter, small-minded and cranky. By all appearances, it doesn't appear that other people struggle with their shadow sides like I do. except...their are brave souls who write honestly of struggle, of pain, of fear and anguish, anxiety and pettiness. And when they do, it resonates with me. Ah. How brave. How refreshing. I'm not that kind of brave at present, but I can admire and learn from it. What's the lesson in it for me now?Certainly not to share without thought, for not all people will be gracious, understanding or safe, and it's not always the right time to have an intimate and honest conversation. ( Come on. We all know 'inappropriate sharers! shudder.) Perhaps , we need to share with thoughtful intention. When the moment is right, to be brave enough to be "open, undefended and immediately present" (see source below), to be vulnerable. And to recognize that everyone you meet has a story that would melt a heart of stone. Things are not always what they appear and neither are people always what they appear. Imagine a world where we woke up with a bias in other's favour? I can't say that's my natural inclination as often as I'd like, but it is a stance I can be aware of. And practice. One person at a time. (quote found @ http://myemail.constantcontact.com/Richard-Rohr-s-Meditation--The-Second-Gaze.html?soid=1103098668616&aid=6hGejSNXTx4) Quotations about Speaking (or not speaking)
"The trouble with talking too fast is you may say something you haven't thought of yet. ~Ann Landers Everything becomes a little different as soon as it is spoken out loud. ~Hermann Hesse The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right place but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment. ~Dorothy Nevill Of those who say nothing, few are silent. ~Thomas Neill" Yikes. I think I may be in trouble. Being silent is an art. Have you ever noticed how uncomfortable silence can be? Have you ever noticed how comfortable silence can be? Depends on the relationship, doesn't it? I heard it said that the rests are the hardest part to play on a piece of music. Why is that? I suppose we are more comfortable with doing something than with just being. Yet, when I think about my treasured moments, many of them I cherish are simple and silent, sitting with my husband on a barren rock overlooking a valley, watching my children play and dance in the grass, feeling a friend's comfort as she sits on a curbside to my right, quiet. It's something to think about the next time I'm tempted to fill in where silence would suffice or be the better option. Sh.
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April 2015
Janet---constructed and constructing along the way--- Categories |